I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
