i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
