Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
