i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
