once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
