Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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