Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
