I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
