ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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