the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
