I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the day after is always just damage control
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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