I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
