if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
