Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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