maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
