I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize