Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
