see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
