OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
