This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
