It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
