Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
