I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize