Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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