It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
