Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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