2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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