It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
