I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
