We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
