You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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