$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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