lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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