Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
