she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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