Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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