I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
