What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your penis caused this!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
