did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
