just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
