I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize