dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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