I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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