my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
