When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
