Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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