If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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