he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
