I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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