I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
