He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Two words: blizzard sex
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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