Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
