i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
