Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize