I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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