listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize