i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
