tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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