You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
