we're blogging at a bar
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
