Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
