peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
