Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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