if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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