I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
