Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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