I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
