Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
