then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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