I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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