Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
