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I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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